is there an option?

There is a need to create, to procreate, to make a mark, to build, to add one's personal touch, to be seen; ultimately to create is to break through from existing into a place of being, of finally being born, reborn, resurrected, or finally waking up. The Assassination of Frederico Garcia Lorca a poem by Nikolai von Keller Lorca lies beneath the bones of the mud, with lead in his belly and stones in his fists. The young soldier who pulled the trigger radiates ideals and says: Art for art's sake is to die just as born - without reason. Ashes of the poets slink into the corners of Spain: the mountains of the South, ivory and sloped as a mistress in repose. the Mediterranean, blue as the word. Garcia Lorca is not afraid. He has already done what he came to do. He has already been born. This was one of the poems I found to read this morning on my radio show. Another one, poem #26 by Eugenio de Andrade and translated by Alexis Levitin: #26 But how to make it last to the final moment, this mouth, this sun? One must love it, lofty and patient, where the flame chants. Love it. Till the end. Till it turns to dance. We are called to create, it is the mark of God within our being. It is the power or drive that launches us from the instinctive drives to survive into the place of ego where we leave our mark and humanity of limitations and then beyond to the orbit of a larger stillness where the oneness of life is complete and our creating art is always and always being let free.

the need to claim oneself

I am finding that much of my energy is spent helping others, enabling other people to find and discover their creative self and understand themselves more fully. It is very meaningful to be a part of this process. It is like a coach bringing along a great talent to be the best player that they can be in a game situation. Yet there is also the need to be the player, to be the one creating and emerging myself. It is similar to the struggle that a teacher of art sometimes has to find time and the energy to also create one's own art. Whether it is the need for a place to be still, or the time to be still, or the will to be still in order to shift gears and allow myself to think and create, the need to create will emerge one way or another. It may emerge as anger if frustrated enough; it may emerge as depression, if denied enough; it may emerge as endless rambling and insistent opinions forced upon others if not given its own space. One way or another it will emerge.

three poems of mine for my sweet love

It’s now the time So many times have I read odes of praise or poems that extol the beauty

found in lover’s eyes or ears or gentle lips, with awe’s appreciation holding me. The love I feel is no less sacred now than felt by those before, who wrote such verse, just me, less willing with my words, to bless and savor that which we have come to know. So atrophy be damned and tedium let go, so that with recklessness I dive off cliffs of fear into the passionate expressions I now hold in knowing you. It’s now the time for love, and always been, and we the ones to make it known to all. When my distractions blink, I am stunned by the sight of you. When my opinions pause, the flash of love’s flesh stuns me. When I stop avoiding doing the things I fear to do, It is you, who sits beside me. Way beyond my longings before the boundary of avoidance lies the remarkable present moment of you.

the struggle to create

It has been a year since painting, my energies have been more focused on writing. But there are four paintings that stare at me every day. I know I will go back to them. The haunting presence of unfinished work is like a shadow reminding one of the light overhead, and the direction the light is going - but only if we notice. Where to paint is an issue. The t.v. room is not ideal. I want someplace away from the house, but cannot afford one. Place is an important piece in the creative process. If I do not feel comfortable to relax and imagine and make a mess than the restraint of the space chokes off my creative energy. This seems to be my problem. Time is another piece of the creative journey, there is so many conflicting stress pulls on me for time that it is hard to have extended periods to create. And my seeming choice to always do and have time for others and not myself is another drawback.

Buildings and Hymns

During the 18th century and early 20th century there was a great wave of building churches. Great cathedrals, small parishes; many great legacies to people's faith and community's perceived identities. At this same time many great hymns were being written. And many of these hymns, like the buildings are what we still use today. We try to upgrade and maintain these buildings and we try to keep these hymns alive sometimes by adding new instrumentation that reflect our changing times. It seems to me that there is a connection between architecture and the level of composing of music. With great symphonies of the 18th century we had more great monuments, with more random refrains and emphasis on pop music our architecture becomes more disposable.

Afternoon Haiku

with a dimmer switch,
turning down both light and moods
in late afternoon.



the silent building,
just computer keys clicking
and cars pass outside.



never sleeping
always ready to respond
the phone stands watch.

Photo Quotes

With not having the focus, space, nor vision to paint again; I find that my creative energy will find another way to emerge. I have been finding that playing with pictures, taking what I call "quotes" from nice pictures that I like and holding onto them is an alternative. Jacob Gerritsen is a photographer who has remarkable skill and has taken some phenomenal pictures of Emily. It is fun to pick out a little detail within one of these great photographs to remember. It is like taking a good quote out of a book or talk that I want to hold onto and have on my wall. Jacob's eye is quite sensitive and he has a very gentle way with his lens. In his pictures I find that there are many layers, possibilities and depth to each image. It is helpful to look at each one in different ways. I have included one of them here and the "quotes" that I have taken from it.
In the same way, when I go through a museum, I will pull out a piece from the various masterpieces to hold onto. Otherwise it is simply too much and too many works and I remember nothing.